Can you GIVE too much?

I was having a discussion the other day with a mom whose parents and siblings are always promising to buy her child a big TV, the latest phone, or expensive (and sometimes inappropriate) games, etc.  The mom was really frustrated because they were offering these "rewards" if the child bettered their time in a sport.  The child was not able to meet the goal that they set and was extremely upset...the mom of course had to bear the brunt of the child's frustration.  Because of this approach the child now asks his mom "What do I get?" whenever he is asked to do a small task or chore.

How do you set goals and rewards for your children?  Do they really need rewards for every little thing they do?  Do you want your child to grow up expecting the world (job, family, friends) to give them everything they want and always let them win or at least be rewarded for everything they do?

In some families it is all about being the winner...earning the prize, but is that reality?  Not many of us or our children were born with a silver spoon in our mouths!

Yes, children need to be challenged to set goals and achieve them, but wouldn't the reward of doing their best be more successful at building their self confidence and encouraging them to try even harder?  Children also need to learn about becoming graceful losers so that they are not devastated when things don't go their way.  Learning how to win and lose is part of growing up...make sure your child has the opportunity to learn both!

Therefore do not throw away your confidence, which has a great reward.  Hebrews 10:35 (ESV)

When parents (and grandparents) set unrealistic goals and offer inappropriate rewards they are setting the child up for failure.  No parent or grandparent really wants that!

To help children learn responsibility, cooperation and teamwork they need to be given some chores to do as a part of the family.  Occasionally offering your child the ability to earn some extra money or a special toy by doing a chore or task that is not usually their responsibility can be fun and will give them a small incentive to accomplish the task at hand.  Children should not be rewarded for those things that are meant to help them grow in self esteem.  Their accomplishment and the congratulations of others should be enough of a reward for personal challenges!

Passing on "Words of Wisdom"...

Do you remember when you were a child?  Do you remember the little bits of wisdom that your parents shared with you as you were growing up?  When we were children and on the receiving end of these tidbits we didn't always see them as "words of wisdom".  Maybe you vowed that you would never say these things to your children...time passes and we grow older and begin to see a little more wisdom in those words.  As we begin to have children and communicate with them we suddenly find ourselves saying the same things our parents did...and when we say them we are surprised at how smoothly they flow from our lips.
As my children were little I would come across plaques or pictures that seemed to fit the situation I was in...much like the types of signs that are posted on Facebook and Pinterest.  The two that I have added below are a couple of my favorites...I hung them outside my children's rooms as a constant reminder of what MOM or DAD would say.

Please enjoy these and think back to your childhood and those "words of wisdom" that your parents shared...I am sure that there are more than these out there.  Please share your comments below and the things that you remember...or the things that you now say.

Remember though that the greatest words you can share with your children are those that will help them know Jesus as Lord and Savior and their very best Friend. 

Helping Children Discover Their Best Selves

Can you imagine the wonder and awe that the first people experienced in the world that God created?  We often overlook it today because we have become so accustomed to the world we live in and we don't take time to enjoy the natural world around us.  We fail to look for the uniqueness of nature...we just don't have the time.  

It has become more and more apparent that sensory issues affect more and more children all the time.  Evidence shows that children today can be over-stimulated or under-stimulated in early childhood environments.  As an early childhood educator I have seen this issue become pre-dominant over the past few years, not only in the behavior of the children, but also in the increased number of staff trainings that focus on sensory issues and behavioral issues.  At our recent staff in-service one of our workshops was focused on "The Impact of Sensory Integration on Behavior:  Discovering Our Best Selves".  Our purpose was to determine how we as early childhood teachers can help children discover their best selves.

During the last years, things like television, computers, video games and the Internet have bombarded us with more visual images than people in previous years have ever experienced.  What all of this will mean to human development remains to be determined, but the evidence already shows that children who are overloaded with visual information either "shut down" and pay less attention to the world around them or "speed up" and show increasing negative changes in behavior.

There are several ways that we can help children to cope with the visual stimulation in today's world:

• Taking more care in the set up of classrooms and play spaces.  Keeping them well-organized and free from clutter and filling them with more natural materials.  Carefully choosing visual images (photographs, picture books, paintings) and encouraging them to look for patterns in images and find similarities in shapes, textures and colors.
• Becoming fellow investigators with children and keeping a sense of wonder about the world sparks imagination and stimulates activities.
• Spending more time outdoors and interacting with nature can alleviate some of the behavioral challenges that children experience. When schools cut back on recess time to spend more time on standardized testing all children suffer, but especially those with sensory integration challenges.
• Moving to learn (providing well planned movement experiences that happen regularly) to help children use their whole body will help especially the kinesthetic learner. 

Our recent activity of creating body sculptures that mimic trees was a follow up to our training workshop.  The pictures were a lot of fun and being in the outdoors whether it was a warm day or a cold day allowed the children to connect with nature in a different way.  Some of our teachers have extended that activity to our families as well and we encourage you to take the time to investigate nature with your child...take a walk...look for unusually shaped trees and then take a picture of the body sculpture that you and your child make.

Continue to look for the miraculous in everyday experiences and help your child develop a sense of awe and wonder about the world around them.  Your child will translate those experiences into calmer and more positive behaviors and a love for learning that will last a lifetime.

For more ideas on how you can encourage these experiences for your child go to the National Arbor Day Foundation and look for the Kids Explore Club.  Plan some family outings in the "great outdoors", turn off the television and spend happy times enjoying God's gifts of nature...you will find that your children will calm down and learn to move at a slower pace.  Children will also connect to something greater than themselves and learn that some of the world's best gifts don't come from a store.

Excerpts taken from an article by Nancy Rosenow, "The Impact of Sensory Integration on Behavior:  Discovering Our Best Selves" from Childcare Information Exchange.

Another New Year!

As I was looking back over the blog posts for the last year , it made me think about how quickly time flies by.  My children are in their 20's and 30's...it seems just like yesterday that they were little and still needed my care and attention...now they are adults who are living lives of their own.  I look at my grandchildren and am amazed at how quickly they are growing and how much they are learning!

I look at many of the children at KOC and remember them as infants as they came to childcare for the first time...now many of them in school and some who have even moved on to middle school and high school.  I remember the parents too...the first time parents who struggled so about putting their baby in child care...and those more experienced parents who still struggled when they had to leave their little ones.

• Are you cherishing these early years with your children?  
• Are you taking the time to enjoy them?  
• Are you teaching them to be independent and self-sufficient?  
• Are you teaching them what commitment is?  
• Are you showing them how to grow a strong marriage?  
• Are you sharing your faith with them and showing them by your actions your love and devotion to God?  

There is not a minute to waste!  

Time passes so quickly! 

Don't let these early years pass by so quickly while you are involved in your work and the day to day struggles of life that you suddenly realize your children are grown and your opportunity to influence their future is gone!  The time is now!

God has given you the precious gift of children...it is His desire that you raise them up to know Him, love Him and serve Him.

Hear, O Israel: The Lord our God, the Lord is one.  Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your strength.  These commandments that I give you today are to be on your hearts.  Impress them on your children. Talk about them when you sit at home and when you walk along the road, when you lie down and when you get up.  Tie them as symbols on your hands and bind them on your foreheads.  Write them on the doorframes of your houses and on your gates.                                                                    Deuteronomy 6:4-9

Christmas Giving

As this years "Black Friday" nears an end, I am amazed at the lengths people will go to as they seek out the bargains.  Every year seems a little more crazy than the last as people camp out in front of the stores days in advance of the sales.    Thanksgiving seems to have been swallowed up in the commercialism of the holiday season.   

I understand that in this economy people are seeking the best deals as they plan for their Christmas giving.  I know that some people aren't going for the sales as much as they are enjoying the excitement of the hunt. 

Christmas is my favorite time of year.  I love searching for just the right gift for each person and finding all sorts of unusual and creative items for each person's stocking.  To me the greatest joy of Christmas is "giving", but I have to admit that my giving has been directed primarily to my family and friends.  I also know as a "grammy"  that I can easily get wrapped up in the gift buying frenzy because I love giving to my grandchildren.  My gift giving to them can really go over the top if I'm not careful.

As this Christmas approaches, we have decided to make some changes in our gift-giving habits.  This Christmas we want to help our grandchildren experience not just the receiving, but the giving  part of Christmas.  Our church is supporting Angel Tree ministry this year and we plan to pick 4 "angels" off of the tree that are close in age to our 4 grandchildren.  Then we are taking them shopping with us to buy the "angel" gifts and wrap and deliver them.    As we share this experience with them, we'll be modeling the real meaning of Christmas giving.

There are so many ways that families can give to others during this season.  If you live in the Dallas area you can support many different kinds of ministries that help others, like Jonathan's Place or KLTY's Christmas Wish, your local food pantry or your area Toy Drive. 

I encourage you to not let the commercialism of this season mask the real meaning of Christmas...the birth of God's Son in Bethlehem or keep you from discovering the joy of giving to others.   Remember that what you model for your children will help them become the people that you and God want them to be.

Hiding Words in our Hearts...

You might be surprised at the things that Early Childhood teachers hear each day.  Some days we are surprised, if not a little shocked about what comes out of the mouths of the little ones in our care.  Obviously what they say comes from what they have heard...sometimes from mom and dad or other family members, sometimes from the TV and sometimes from their little friends in the neighborhood.

Most of us have heard the phrase, "children learn what they live", but another common saying is "children see...children do" as our staff learned in one of our recent trainings.  As parents and teachers it is so important that we guard the things that come from our mouths because there are always little ears listening.

As teachers we are always so pleased and encouraged when the children learn songs about Jesus and scripture passages because that memorization helps them to "hide those words in their hearts".  Ms. Jan has commented how much she enjoys it when parents come looking for her to get each weeks Bible words.  The children are also thrilled at the end of the week to recite those words to her.

Since we live in the world and we are sinful people it is very difficult to refrain from being part of this world in the way we live and speak.  God directs us to control our tongues so that all the words we speak give glory and honor to him.  If your desire is for your child to live a life for God (and I tend to think it is since you have placed them in a Christian childcare) then remember that your responsibility is also to live a life for God in your words and actions...you are the first and best teacher that your child has.

Changing old habits is never easy, but learning to curb your tongue will not only bless your children, but will strengthen and bless you as well.  God be with you in this effort!  

MORE than "Back to School"!

"Back to School" time...it is something that children look forward to even it they don't want to admit that they like going to school.  It is something that parents look forward to as they try to get something of a routine back into their lives.  It is something that childcare teachers look forward to also because it means that the daily activities will slow down just a little and the younger children will be able to focus on learning too!

For parents, going back to school includes a busy time of getting ready,..shopping for school clothes...buying school supplies...making arrangements for daycare...meeting the teacher...re-establishing a schedule, etc.  For teachers it means decorating the classroom, writing lesson plans, purchasing needed supplies, meeting new students and wondering what the new year will bring.  For children it means seeing old friends, meeting new friends, getting to know a new teacher or going to a new school.

I've seen a lot of signs lately that say "Back to School" and right along with them "Back to Church".  Your child has gone back to school and now it is time to think about the second statement...BACK TO CHURCH.  Has your attendance and participation in worship slacked off during the summer?  Or maybe, you just never got involved last year.  It is never too late to include "Back to Church" in your fall plans. 

You make sure that your child has all that they need to be successful in school...all the right supplies, the best teachers and schools.  But have you considered whether you have given them everything to be successful in life or given them the opportunity to receive the gift of eternal life?

If your child is in a Christian school or childcare you have taken one step forward in that area, but it important for parents to model the Christian life for their children.  That doesn't just mean being a good person and doing the right thing, it also means that your child needs to see you devoting your Sunday morning to worshiping your Lord and Savior.  Your child needs to see you in fellowship with other Christians, involved in Bible Study and Worship.

It is sometimes a difficult commitment to make...it is easier to stay in bed on Sunday, As the new school year begins in the fall and lots of things change, it is a good time to make a change in your spiritual habits and routines as well.  Take this opportunity to make the fall MORE than "Back to School" by going back to your church and getting involved or finding a church home that you want to become a part of.

Just like school for your children is a priority, make church a priority too and grow your relationship with Jesus!  I'll be praying for you!