Transitions

Our staff at Kids of the Crown just finished a training segment on Transitions.  There were many points that hit home with us and we felt should be shared with parents as well.  We liked the phrase ESTABLISHING TRANSITIONS, ELIMINATES CHAOS!

As adults we know that transitions are a part of life.  They happen every day and are often times unexpected.  Children experience many transitions during their early years particularly if they are in Preschool or Daycare.  They transition from home to the car to the school.  They transition from their parents or grandparents to their teachers.  They transition from their siblings to their friends.  They transition from one set of expectations at home to a different one at school.

There is nothing wrong with transitions...as we said, they are a way of life.  Some transitions are significant and others are much less important.  They can be fun, challenging, scary, distracting or upsetting to children.  Part of our job as Early Childhood teachers and your job as a parent is to teach children transitioning skills preparing them for successful passage in the many life changing experiences ahead of them.

The first transition that we will look at is when a child is new to a school (or any other situation).  Preparation is key to helping the child move smoothly into any new situation.  They should be given an opportunity to visit the school and meet the teachers and children that they will be with.  The upcoming change should be talked about at home and they should be given the opportunity to ask questions.  Sometimes more than one visit is necessary when a child struggles with change.

Another transition occurs when a child moves from one classroom to another.  Even when they are excited about the change they need time to adjust and to adapt to the new teachers and children that they are with.  At KOC we try to give them the opportunity to visit the new classroom before they actually move up.

One more transition that occurs at school has to do with the teachers...moving from the morning to the afternoon teacher, a teacher leaving or a new teacher starting.  Sometimes we have control over the changes that occur and other times we don't have control.  Sometimes we can prepare the children for the change and other times we have to deal with the fall out that unexpected changes create.  These are all based on relationships and throughout life children will be exposed to changes in relationships...with friends, with family, with boyfriends or girlfriends, with spouses, with their own children.  How they are taught to handle the relationship changes at an early age with help determine their ability to handle change as they get older.

Learning about transitions and how to transition is not just about the early childhood classroom.  When children experience the unkindness of friends they learn that people can get mad at one another and that people can be mean to one another...that there is appropriate and inappropriate behavior.  We must teach children that we all make mistakes, large and small.  That there will be things that happen that we don't like, but that is really okay.  They need to learn the skills to figure out what went wrong and what they can do about it.    When they learn to overcome adversity and accomplish the ability to move on from it, they grow in their abilities to transition through the world.

There are some issues that go along with transitions...Children are often expected to transition without help or preparation...Teachers see family involvement as a bother and ignore the input of the parent...Parents don't want to participate - they just expect the teacher to take care of it.  Overcoming these issues is the job of the Parent/Teacher TEAM!  Working together will only benefit the children.

These issues can be overcome when teachers value the parent as the "expert" on their child and when parents see the teachers as educators that are continually learning about children in general.  There has to be a trust that is built by seeking feedback and exploring concerns and questions.  We also have to remember that every child is different and they need time to adjust to the changes occurring around them.  They also need to have opportunities to talk with both parents and teachers about their questions and concerns.

It is important to establish routines that children can trust such as how you say good-bye in the morning and greet each other at night.  Parent set the expectations for their child...remember that if you are apprehensive or uncertain your child will be too! 

Here are some ideas that might help your child handle transitions just a little better:
1.  Do your best to get your child to school on time for class each day.  Preschool begins at 8:30 a.m.
2.  Have a breakfast routine at home or plan for your child to eat breakfast at school...a healthy start to each day is key to their performance and yours.
3.  Only give your child choices that are real.  Instead of asking your child "Would your like to put your coat on?" say "You may put your coat on now."  It eliminates the possibility for them to say NO!  This applies to anything that you need for your child to do.  All children need the ability to have some control so give them choices on the things that don't matter as much.  Pick two outfits and ask which one they would like to wear or give them two choices for breakfast and let them decide.  I encourage you though to not get in the habit of preparing two meals on a regular basis...they need to learn to eat what is prepared for them without complaint.  Your kitchen is not a restaurant.
4.  We need to listen to children and find out what they have to say.  We also need to teach them the words to use in situations of conflict so that they are brave enough to speak up for themselves.
5.  Children are involved in so many activities...sometimes they just need to be kids and move at their own pace and play to their hearts content.  
5.  Children need routines (a schedule if you will).  When routines are established they know what to expect and will be much more successful in accomplishing the tasks set before them.  Getting up and going to bed at set times are the best place to start in establishing routines.  Children should not be in charge of this...you are the parent and should set those routines for your child,

"Back to Church"

It has been awhile since I have added a post...I guess I am moved by things that happen or by things that our children at Kids of the Crown experience.  This weekend was National Back to Church Sunday...Crown of Life participated with over 30,000 other churches nationwide in an attempt to bring people back to church more importantly back into a closer relationship with Jesus.  On Monday, I completed a statistical report that I am required to do each year for our church  body - the Lutheran Church Missouri Synod.  Those two things together triggered some thoughts that I decided to share with you.

First, National Back to Church Sunday is one Sunday out of the year.  It is meant to turn people back to God when they have fallen away from regular worship attendance and commitment to a church family.  The statistics today show that only 17% of the people in the United States regularly attend church on Sunday.  That makes it easier to understand why some people say that we are no longer a Christian nation.

Second, each year the statistical report that I fill out tracks the churches (faith background) of the families of the children that we serve.  It is meant to help our church body better understand the needs of the families that are associated with our schools.  This years report showed some interesting statistics: 

• 70% of the families at KOC claim affiliation with a church denomination.
• 30% claim no church affiliation at all.
• If the above statistic is accurate (the 17%), that means that only 12 families in our school are committed members of a church and attend and participate regularly.

What does this mean?  I am sure that some of the families who enroll their children in care indicate a church home where they are actively involved.  I am just as sure that some of them indicate a church home in the denomination that they grew up in, but they haven't attended since they were children.  How do I know this?  The children share their weekend activities with us when they come back to school on Mondays.  We are told by many, many children that they never go to church or Sunday School.

Let me just say this...church doesn't make you a Christian!  You may know Jesus as your Lord and Savior and you may live your life in a way that reflects that to all that know you.  But, I'll use the illustration that Pastor Hadley used on Sunday for the children's talk...

He showed the children a plant from our patio that was almost dead and asked what it had been missing.  The children responded that it needed water and plant food to grow and thrive.  He then explained to the children that as Christians we also need things to help us grow in our Christian lives.  We need to hear God's Word, receive His forgiveness, surround ourselves with other Christians who can lift us up in prayer when the things of this world tear us down.  We need our church families 
to help us grow...to encourage our relationship with Jesus.

Being a part of a family of believers strengthens us for our walk.

Many people say, "I can worship God anywhere"...that is true, but you are missing one important element...a fellowship of believers. People also say, "The church is just a bunch of hypocrites and that is true too...fortunately our sinfulness is forgiven and yours is too!  Some people say, "I'm too busy!"...what if God said He was too busy for you?

As Christian parents, we have been given a huge responsibility.  We are to "Train up a child in the way he should go and when he is old he will not depart from it." Proverbs 22:6.  We all know that children learn what they live!

At Crown of Life I'd like to say that it is always "Back to Church" Sunday!  Every Sunday, you have an opportunity to spend time with God and grow your relationship with His Son...who by the way, gave His life for you.  Come visit us or go back to the church that you listed on your enrollment form.  You and your children will be blessed by the relationships that you discover there and especially by the relationship that you will have with Jesus!  

Little Children Have Big Ears!

Recently we have been seeing an increase in some bad habits that children have learned.  It is most often in the area of words or language that is inappropriate.  The sad thing is that when we talk to the children about this they tell us that they most often learned those words at home.

As a reminder I want to encourage you to be careful about the language that your children hear coming from you and other family members.  They repeat everything they know...I'm sure that some of you would be quite surprised at what we hear at daycare.

When 2 year olds through 5 year olds repeat inappropriate words they often don't know what they mean...they use them when they are frustrated which is what most people do.  They know that the words are used when someone is angry or upset so they think it is appropriate when they are angry or upset.

When Schoolagers use those words they usually do know what they mean and they are often used to attack, belittle or bully their friends.  They don't always hear those words at home though...they are exposed to school and other afterschool activities where they are around lots of children whose family values may not compare to yours and where they may have been on the receiving end of such attacks.

Remember that "little children have big ears" and they have no filters on their mouths!

Please work with your children and help them to learn to use language and actions that are God-pleasing.  After all, we are in this world to live a life for Jesus!  When we claim to be Christian we have to remember that others cannot see our hearts...they only see our lives and hear our words!

For more on this see my blog from July 2012 - Copycats

 

The October to January Cycle

It is that time of year again...when parents come in and talk about their child's attitude and behavior changes.  They are obviously rattled by the change in their previously sweet and compliant child.  There are many things that effect children at this time of the year...so many in fact that it is easy to forget that some of those things are normal and some can be controlled and guided by consistent parenting.
The list goes on...

• Their age - if they are between 2 and 4 years old or in 4th or 5th grade many changes can be attributed to their age.  Two to Four year old children are reaching for independence even if they are not completely ready to handle it yet.  Tantrums and Crying Fits are more rampant as they try to get their way.  This one is very normal requires a parent to not show a reaction and remain consistent in their expectations.  They will outgrow it, but the end result will be effected by the way you as a parent handle those tantrums and fits.
• The weather - as we move into the fall and the cooler weather we also usually experience some rainy weather.  When that happens it means that the children do not get outside to play as much and they begin to experience cabin fever.  You can help here if you make a plan to get your children outside to play as often as possible and find some new and exciting "fall" activities to fill their time.
• The time change - We "fall back" and when we do our sleep routine is disturbed...it especially effects young children.  Our bodies need time to adjust to the new time.
• The holidays - yes...Halloween is only the beginning of the holiday season, followed by Thanksgiving, Christmas and New Years.  I call it the October to January cycle.  All the extra candy and special treats, traveling for vacation or spending time with family, unusual schedules and routines as well as Christmas and its overabundance affect a child's routine.  Believe it or not most children (and adults) are creatures of habit and when their routine is changed they don't handle it well.

As parents we want our children to be successful and when we see them struggling and we see their attitude or behavior effected we are distressed and alarmed.  Parents need to realize that it is a season...a season of their children's lives that will pass.  They can help most by not providing too many sweets or treats, keeping routines and sleep schedules as well as diets as normal as possible, not overreacting when things get out of control and remember that they are just children...they don't yet have the same coping mechanisms that adults do in the same circumstances.  Even some adults don't handle all these changes well.

Try to prepare your child for the changes and let them know what to expect.  Give them a little extra love and attention especially when they are doing what you want them to do.  Pray for them and for yourself daily.  This season will pass quickly and you want to remember it in a positive way and you want that for your child too!

It is not easy being a parent...and unfortunately we are not given a guidebook to help us through the rough times.  Find someone to talk to or to use as a sounding board...a parent, teacher, friend.  Seek out people who will listen, but also those who can offer support and suggestions to help.

Last, but should probably be first...ask God to bless your family with peace and understanding, patience and love.  Help your children turn to Him too when they hit the rough spots.  He has promised to always be there for you!

The Greatest Gift a Parent Can Give?

A little over a week ago my family gathered for a family reunion and to celebrate my mom's 90th birthday.  Even though our family is not large, we had not all been together in a very long time and our family had changed considerably since our last family photo had been taken.  We had a wonderful time renewing our relationships and talking and sharing about what had been going on in our lives in the past years. 

Even more important was that this event was in honor of my mother's birthday.  She enjoyed the time with her family as well and many memories were created for her to think about as she looks over the many pictures that were taken.

We all had the opportunity to present her with a flower and share a funny story, or something special we remembered in our relationship with her.  A wide variety of things were shared, but through it all the message came through loud and clear that she is loved and appreciated! 

Many years ago when my children were little I heard a song which also became one of my favorites.  It was sung by Steve and Annie Chapman and is entitled “The Greatest Gift”.  I’d like to share the words of that song with you because they represent the life that my Mom and Dad lived daily before us all.

THE GREATEST GIFT

You can give your children houses, You can give them land

The riches of your efforts, And all your best laid plans

But of all that they inherit, Of all that you could will

Please include the unseen treasure of a life that God has filled.

'Cause the greatest gift a father can give is a life lived for Jesus

And the greatest gift a mother can give is the knowledge of the LORD

Pass it on to your children, He’s the gift that keeps on giving

The greatest gift is a life lived for Jesus.

One day the house will crumble, Time will turn the land to dust

And when all accounts are empty, Where will you invest their trust

But if the riches that you give them is the wisdom of His ways

Then the wealth you’ll leave your children will last through all their days.

'Cause the greatest gift a father can give is a life lived for Jesus

And the greatest gift a mother can give is the knowledge of the LORD

Pass it on to your children, He’s the gift that keeps on giving

The greatest gift is a life lived for Jesus.

Mother, you and Daddy gave us the best inheritance already.  As you celebrate this 90^th birthday rest in the knowledge that you have given us “the greatest gift” a father and mother can give.  I am so thankful for the legacy of faith that you have given our family…so grateful that you have instilled in us a love for the Lord and a faith that knows no bounds.

Can you GIVE too much?

I was having a discussion the other day with a mom whose parents and siblings are always promising to buy her child a big TV, the latest phone, or expensive (and sometimes inappropriate) games, etc.  The mom was really frustrated because they were offering these "rewards" if the child bettered their time in a sport.  The child was not able to meet the goal that they set and was extremely upset...the mom of course had to bear the brunt of the child's frustration.  Because of this approach the child now asks his mom "What do I get?" whenever he is asked to do a small task or chore.

How do you set goals and rewards for your children?  Do they really need rewards for every little thing they do?  Do you want your child to grow up expecting the world (job, family, friends) to give them everything they want and always let them win or at least be rewarded for everything they do?

In some families it is all about being the winner...earning the prize, but is that reality?  Not many of us or our children were born with a silver spoon in our mouths!

Yes, children need to be challenged to set goals and achieve them, but wouldn't the reward of doing their best be more successful at building their self confidence and encouraging them to try even harder?  Children also need to learn about becoming graceful losers so that they are not devastated when things don't go their way.  Learning how to win and lose is part of growing up...make sure your child has the opportunity to learn both!

Therefore do not throw away your confidence, which has a great reward.  Hebrews 10:35 (ESV)

When parents (and grandparents) set unrealistic goals and offer inappropriate rewards they are setting the child up for failure.  No parent or grandparent really wants that!

To help children learn responsibility, cooperation and teamwork they need to be given some chores to do as a part of the family.  Occasionally offering your child the ability to earn some extra money or a special toy by doing a chore or task that is not usually their responsibility can be fun and will give them a small incentive to accomplish the task at hand.  Children should not be rewarded for those things that are meant to help them grow in self esteem.  Their accomplishment and the congratulations of others should be enough of a reward for personal challenges!

Passing on "Words of Wisdom"...

Do you remember when you were a child?  Do you remember the little bits of wisdom that your parents shared with you as you were growing up?  When we were children and on the receiving end of these tidbits we didn't always see them as "words of wisdom".  Maybe you vowed that you would never say these things to your children...time passes and we grow older and begin to see a little more wisdom in those words.  As we begin to have children and communicate with them we suddenly find ourselves saying the same things our parents did...and when we say them we are surprised at how smoothly they flow from our lips.
As my children were little I would come across plaques or pictures that seemed to fit the situation I was in...much like the types of signs that are posted on Facebook and Pinterest.  The two that I have added below are a couple of my favorites...I hung them outside my children's rooms as a constant reminder of what MOM or DAD would say.

Please enjoy these and think back to your childhood and those "words of wisdom" that your parents shared...I am sure that there are more than these out there.  Please share your comments below and the things that you remember...or the things that you now say.

Remember though that the greatest words you can share with your children are those that will help them know Jesus as Lord and Savior and their very best Friend.