I was having a discussion the other day with a mom whose parents and siblings are always promising to buy her child a big TV, the latest phone, or expensive (and sometimes inappropriate) games, etc. The mom was really frustrated because they were offering these "rewards" if the child bettered their time in a sport. The child was not able to meet the goal that they set and was extremely upset...the mom of course had to bear the brunt of the child's frustration. Because of this approach the child now asks his mom "What do I get?" whenever he is asked to do a small task or chore.
How do you set goals and rewards for your children? Do they really need rewards for every little thing they do? Do you want your child to grow up expecting the world (job, family, friends) to give them everything they want and always let them win or at least be rewarded for everything they do?
In some families it is all about being the winner...earning the prize, but is that reality? Not many of us or our children were born with a silver spoon in our mouths!
Yes, children need to be challenged to set goals and achieve them, but wouldn't the reward of doing their best be more successful at building their self confidence and encouraging them to try even harder? Children also need to learn about becoming graceful losers so that they are not devastated when things don't go their way. Learning how to win and lose is part of growing up...make sure your child has the opportunity to learn both!
Therefore do not throw away your confidence, which has a great reward. Hebrews 10:35 (ESV)
When parents (and grandparents) set unrealistic goals and offer inappropriate rewards they are setting the child up for failure. No parent or grandparent really wants that!
To help children learn responsibility, cooperation and teamwork they need to be given some chores to do as a part of the family. Occasionally offering your child the ability to earn some extra money or a special toy by doing a chore or task that is not usually their responsibility can be fun and will give them a small incentive to accomplish the task at hand. Children should not be rewarded for those things that are meant to help them grow in self esteem. Their accomplishment and the congratulations of others should be enough of a reward for personal challenges!
