Teaching Children Responsibility

I have often watched in wonder, as children hand their parents all their belongings to carry or blame mom or dad for forgetting homework, other important paperwork or dance or sports equipment at home or school.  The parent takes responsibility and then goes out of their way to "fix" the problem for the child.  Parents take forgotten homework to school, make excuses when the child is late, or replace something that the child carelessly lost.

As parents, we all want our children to be successful in everything they do, but sometimes our efforts to help them be successful actually hinders their ability to function in the "real world".  As they grow older and become adults, they will be expected to take responsibility for their actions in their job as well as in their own family.  Those children who have been taught responsibility from the toddler age will usually be successful in becoming responsible adults.  Would you tell your boss that a co-worker forgot the report that you were responsible for presenting?

There are many things that you as a parent can do to teach your child responsibility, but it is even more important to model that responsibility for them.  The best way for children to learn responsibility is to give them a chance to succeed or fail on their own.  That is hard!  We don't want our children to fail, but our parental rescues actually postpone the development of responsibility.  Children need to learn about actions and consequences.

The early years are the best time for parents and caregivers to teach responsibility in age-appropriate ways:

• Toddlers - are capable of picking up their toys from the time that they can walk.  They can also throw away their diaper after it has been changed or bring diapers and wipes when they need to be changed.

• Preschoolers - can take care of pets, help sort and fold laundry, clear the table, brush their teeth, wash their faces, make their bed and clean up their rooms.

• Schoolagers - take care of their personal hygiene, take care of pets, load the dishwasher, make their bed, wash their clothes, and learn to keep track of their belongings and their homework.  They are also capable of calling their teacher or coach if they need to find out something about an upcoming project or activity. 

When children are allowed to pass their responsibilities off on others, they avoid the consequences and will continue to repeat the behaviors, but when they are expected to accept responsibility for their actions and the consequences that occur, they will learn from the situation and will be less likely to repeat the behavior.

As with all areas of teaching children, modeling the behavior for your child, starting at an early age, making sure that what is expected is age-appropriate, allowing natural consequences to occur and setting clear rules and enforcing them will help both you and your child be successful.

We are called to "train" our children... 
"Train up a child in the way he should go; even when he is old he will not depart from it.                                                    Proverbs 22:6