When your child loses someone they love...

You have probably experienced loss in your life...the death of a grandparent, parent, sibling, best friend or even a pet.  It is never easy.  We can so often get lost in the pain of  our loss that we cannot deal with anything else and certainly cannot help someone else through that loss.

The first time I remember experiencing a death in our family was when I was 13 years old and my grandfather died.  I was the oldest of all the grandchildren and I felt like the task of comforting them fell to me because my dad and his brothers and sister were so wrapped up in their grief that they didn't have time to talk with the kids about theirs.


Often children have to experience loss early in their lives.  As a parent, knowing what to do or say to help them get through that time is not easy, especially when you are grieving yourself.

There are a couple of things that are really important to remember...

• Listen to your child and be open to discuss their sadness and fears.  Talk with them about how you feel as well so they know that they are not alone.
• Answer their questions, but don't give your answers in great detail.  Just give them enough information to satisfy the question.  Children are very literal and when they ask they are usually not digging for extra information.
• Don't lie to your child or make up a story about a death.  Always be honest with your child.  They are smart and they will figure out that what you told them may not be true.  They also will have a hard time trusting you in the future if you lie to them.  When they get older (teenagers) they will remember that you were not truthful and will think it is okay for them to lie as well.
• Find resources to help your child understand what has happened.  There are many children's books available that address loss.  As a Christian it is important to look for Christian resources that support your beliefs.
• If you are unable to comfort your child because of your own grief, seek help!  Find a grief counselor if needed for yourself and support to help your grieving child. 

At KOC we have a few resources available in our Parent library...be sure and let us know if you would like to use them in talking to your child.

"Someone I Love Died" by Christine Harder Tangvald
"Sarah's Grandma Goes to Heaven" by Maribeth Boelts
"Grandpa is There a Heaven" by Katherine Bohlmann

The best news we can share with those we love, especially our children, is that we will see those we love in Heaven some day!  Sharing our faith with our children encourages them and they will better understand the joy of knowing Jesus as Lord and Savior.

In my Father's house are many rooms. If it were not so, would I have told you that I go to prepare a place for you?  And if I go and prepare a place for you, I will come again and will take you to myself, that where I am you may be also.  John 14:2-3

But they are just playing...

At our recent in-service training, our staff completed a training on Developmentally Appropriate Practice (DAP).  DAP is a term used by child care professionals to describe care that takes into account the level of physical, social, emotional, and intellectual development of a child addressing their age and their abilities.  In our classrooms, teaching is based on where the child is and what they are ready to learn.  We use a hands-on approach to learning which gives them a more complete understanding of the concepts that are being taught.  We also use classroom centers and small group activities to teach and reinforce their learning.

Often parents ask, "Why doesn't my child bring home worksheets?" or "Why doesn't my child have homework?"  In the Pre-K classroom it is not appropriate to use worksheets to teach children concepts...they need to feel and manipulate real objects.  They need to use their imagination to create whether it is in the art center or the block center, the home center or the music center.  Occasionally our Pre-K teachers may use a worksheet to check to see if the children understand a specific concept, sort of like a review or a test.  It helps the teacher see whether the teaching of that concept was clear or if it needs to be re-taught.

The comment that is often heard is, "But they are just playing"...and the answer is "yes, they are!"   Play is important to developmentally appropriate practice because it: 

• Enables children to make sense of their world.
• Develops social and cultural understanding.
• Allows children to express feelings and thoughts.
• Fosters flexible and divergent thinking.
• Provides opportunities to meet and solve real problems.
• Develops language and literacy skills and concepts.

Through the activities in an early childhood classroom like playing in the block center, children begin to understand size, weight and number concepts as well as learn to recreate the world around them and control and coordinate muscles.

When they play in the home center, they use their small muscle skills, pretend to be grownups and understand experiences better, plus they learn to group objects in categories.  They learn to sort and classify and they are given choices for the areas that interest them. 

Some of our goals for your children include the following: 

• to become an avid reader
• to enjoy solving math problems
• to speak and write well
• to be creative
• to make decisions independently
• to develop physical coordination
• to have good study skills
• to get along well with others
• to be self-confident
• to enjoy learning
• to love school

It is stated very well in "A Parent's Guide to Early Childhood Education" by Diane Trister Dodge and Joanna Phinney...Children who are rushed into reading and writing too soon miss important steps in learning and may suffer later on because they lack the foundation they need for using language.  Children who are taught to read before they are ready may be able to sound out and recognize words, but they may have little understanding of what they are reading.  If they aren't allowed to string beads, button, dress up, cut, paste, pour and draw, they won't develop the small muscle skills they need for writing.

Because math involves more than math facts, children need many opportunities to count objects, sort them into piles and add and take them away.  If children are rushed into academic subjects too soon, they may lose their enthusiasm for learning and lose their sense of themselves as learners.  Children who are given plenty of time to play, learn to ask their own questions and figure out their own answers.  They see themselves as explorers, discoverers, problem solvers and inventors.