For Parents Only...

When your child loses someone they love...

2012-02-13T13:26:00.001-06:00

You have probably experienced loss in your life...the death of a grandparent, parent, sibling, best friend or even a pet. It is never easy. We can so often get lost in the pain of our loss that we cannot deal with anything else and certainly cannot help someone else through that loss.

The first time I remember experiencing a death in our family was when I was 13 years old and my grandfather died. I was the oldest of all the grandchildren and I felt like the task of comforting them fell to me because my dad and his brothers and sister were so wrapped up in their grief that they didn't have time to talk with the kids about theirs.

Often children have to experience loss early in their lives. As a parent, knowing what to do or say to help them get through that time is not easy, especially when you are grieving yourself.

There are a couple of things that are really important to remember...

Listen to your child and be open to discuss their sadness and fears. Talk with them about how you feel as well so they know that they are not alone.
Answer their questions, but don't give your answers in great detail. Just give them enough information to satisfy the question. Children are very literal and when they ask they are usually not digging for extra information.
Don't lie to your child or make up a story about a death. Always be honest with your child. They are smart and they will figure out that what you told them may not be true. They also will have a hard time trusting you in the future if you lie to them. When they get older (teenagers) they will remember that you were not truthful and will think it is okay for them to lie as well.
Find resources to help your child understand what has happened. There are many children's books available that address loss. As a Christian it is important to look for Christian resources that support your beliefs.
If you are unable to comfort your child because of your own grief, seek help! Find a grief counselor if needed for yourself and support to help your grieving child.

At KOC we have a few resources available in our Parent library...be sure and let us know if you would like to use them in talking to your child.

"Someone I Love Died" by Christine Harder Tangvald
"Sarah's Grandma Goes to Heaven" by Maribeth Boelts
"Grandpa is There a Heaven" by Katherine Bohlmann

The best news we can share with those we love, especially our children, is that we will see those we love in Heaven some day! Sharing our faith with our children encourages them and they will better understand the joy of knowing Jesus as Lord and Savior.

In my Father's house are many rooms. If it were not so, would I have told you that I go to prepare a place for you? And if I go and prepare a place for you, I will come again and will take you to myself, that where I am you may be also. John 14:2-3

But they are just playing...

2012-02-09T12:09:00.000-06:00

At our recent in-service training, our staff completed a training on Developmentally Appropriate Practice (DAP). DAP is a term used by child care professionals to describe care that takes into account the level of physical, social, emotional, and intellectual development of a child addressing their age and their abilities. In our classrooms, teaching is based on where the child is and what they are ready to learn. We use a hands-on approach to learning which gives them a more complete understanding of the concepts that are being taught. We also use classroom centers and small group activities to teach and reinforce their learning.

Often parents ask, "Why doesn't my child bring home worksheets?" or "Why doesn't my child have homework?" In the Pre-K classroom it is not appropriate to use worksheets to teach children concepts...they need to feel and manipulate real objects. They need to use their imagination to create whether it is in the art center or the block center, the home center or the music center. Occasionally our Pre-K teachers may use a worksheet to check to see if the children understand a specific concept, sort of like a review or a test. It helps the teacher see whether the teaching of that concept was clear or if it needs to be re-taught.

The comment that is often heard is, "But they are just playing"...and the answer is "yes, they are!" Play is important to developmentally appropriatepractice because it:

Enableschildren to make sense of their world.
Developssocial and cultural understanding.
Allowschildren to express feelings and thoughts.
Fostersflexible and divergent thinking.
Providesopportunities to meet and solve real problems.
Developslanguage and literacy skills and concepts.

Through the activities in an early childhood classroom like playing in the block center, children begin to understand size, weight and number concepts as well as learn to recreate the world around them and control and coordinate muscles.

When they play in the home center, they use their small muscle skills, pretend to be grownups and understand experiences better, plus they learn to group objects in categories. They learn to sort and classify and they are given choices for the areas that interest them.

Some of our goals for your children include the following:

to become an avid reader
to enjoy solving math problems
to speak and write well
to be creative
to make decisions independently
to develop physical coordination
to have good study skills
to get along well with others
to be self-confident
to enjoy learning
to love school

It is stated very well in "A Parent's Guide to Early Childhood Education" by Diane Trister Dodge and Joanna Phinney...Children who are rushed into reading and writing too soon miss important steps in learning and may suffer later on because they lack the foundation they need for using language. Children who are taught to read before they are ready may be able to sound out and recognize words, but they may have little understanding of what they are reading. If they aren't allowed to string beads, button, dress up, cut, paste, pour and draw, they won't develop the small muscle skills they need for writing.

Because math involves more than math facts, children need many opportunities to count objects, sort them into piles and add and take them away. If children are rushed into academic subjects too soon, they may lose their enthusiasm for learning and lose their sense of themselves as learners. Children who are given plenty of time to play, learn to ask their own questions and figure out their own answers. They see themselves as explorers, discoverers, problem solvers and inventors.

When illness strikes!

2012-01-20T08:39:00.000-06:00

There is a lot of negative commentary out there on children getting sick because they are in child care and much of it comes from the local pediatricians. Yes, germs get spread around when children are together, but that can happen anywhere...birthday parties, McDonalds play places, playgrounds, bounce houses, the local grocery carts, at school and even in the waiting rooms of Dr.'s offices. In north Texas, the rapid changes from warm to cool weather and then back to warm again, as well as the changes in humidity can increase children's inability to fight off infections. The truth of the matter is that allergies have increased in recent years and those allergies can trigger many illnesses as well.

Child care policies usually restrict children from attending when they have a fever or other symptoms that indicate illness. There are still those parents that try to dose their child up and bring them to school anyway thereby sharing those infectious germs with the whole class as well as the staff.

There are things that you can do to help your child stay healthy:

Make sure that they eat a healthy diet
Make sure that they get enough sleep every night
Teach them healthy habits, like washing their hands, how to blow their nose, sneezing into their elbow, etc.
Follow the child care policies from your child care...they are meant to protect not only the other children in care, but also your child from being exposed to other illness when their immunity is weak.

All illness cannot be avoided...there is some validity that being in child care can help a child build an immunity to illness. If they are never sick, when they finally do go to Kindergarten they will miss a lot of the first year of school because of illness...they are exposed to lots of germs there.

Over the last 20+ years I have noticed that there seems to be peak times when illness is rampant. When elementary children go back to school in the fall, they are exposed to all kinds of new germs which they bring home to their families and to the child care as well. During the holidays children spend time with family that they don't see during much of the rest of the year and often illness can start there. In addition the temperature changes in the winter contribute to colds and flu. In the spring, budding plants can cause allergic reactions in many of us which often will cause illness as well.

Even though it may seem that your child is ill often when they start child care, their bodies will eventually become immune to the germs and they will be able to fight off illnesses. I takes 6-12 months for a child to reach that level of immunity though, so be patient, do what you can to keep them healthy, make sure that your child care has good policies regarding illness and pray for God's strength and protection as your child grows through this time.

Resolutions...

2011-12-28T13:19:00.000-06:00

New Year's Resolutions...do you make them each year, fully intending to keep them, or do you make them and quickly lose your resolve and break them, or have you just decided not to make them any more so you don't have to worry about "making" them or "breaking" them?

I used to make resolutions every year, usually about my weight or some other self-improvement area, but I never made it very far into the year before they were broken. I finally quit making resolutions to avoid the frustration of never being successful in keeping them.

When it comes to being a parent though, it can be useful to make a plan for how you are going to parent your child in the coming year. That doesn't mean that you will keep your resolution, but when it comes to their children, parents usually make a sincere effort.

Have you thought about what kind of parent you want to be, not just in the coming year, but for all time? Searching out the answer to that question can be quite revealing. What vision do you have for your child's future...do you want them to be well educated, financially successful, emotionally happy, physically strong, Of course you do! We all want our children to have everything!

What about spiritually connected? When your child sees you, do they immediately know that your faith in God is your greatest strength? Do they see you meeting challenges, achieving success, enjoying life with your spouse and being healthy? Do they see you turning to God daily for direction in all areas of your life? Do they see you surviving the rough places when you stumble and God carries you?

I have two resolutions for you this year:

Make sure that your family is in church regularly somewhere so that they are being fed and their faith may grow.
As a leader in your family, keep your faith strong by daily time in God's Word.

I made a resolution in August of this year to be in God's Word daily...yes, I've made that resolution before! This year I found a tool that I want to share with you. Sitting down for any length of time to read my Bible is not as easy as it should be so I now have the Bible on an app on my phone and my computer...it is always open so I find myself going there often. One of the great things that I have enjoyed is the "reading plans" that are available and give me a focus and direction. I am currently on day 58 of a 280 day plan called "Parenting by Design". If you are interested in strengthening your walk with the Lord, go to YouVersion.com and check it out.

1 Chronicles 16:11 KJV

Seek the Lord and his strength, seek his face continually.

MAY GOD BLESS YOUR JOURNEY AS YOU PARENT IN 2012 AND BEYOND!

Love is Not an Option

2011-12-14T16:08:00.000-06:00

First you were a couple...then you were parents. How that changes things! As a couple, it was all about the two of you (and maybe your pets). You did things together, you sent messages to each other, you gave gifts to each other, you had time for each other. Then, that new baby came into your life and everything changed. At first it was great...you shared everything about your new baby and you quickly became a threesome or foursome or fivesome.
Eventually, though the newness wears off and life returns to normal. You are now balancing your career with not only your relationship with your spouse, but also with your role as a parent. There doesn't seem to be enough time in the day for everyone and everything. Very quickly husbands (and wives) begin to feel neglected and stressed and overworked. It is hard to find time to care for and love each other!
It is generally good practice for husbands and wives to schedule regular (at least once a month) dates with each other and spend time with each other. Find a sitter, take turns planning a night out (or in) to devote just to each other. You and your spouse will benefit from that one small thing and even more that that your child(ren) will benefit too!
It has been said that the best thing that a father can do for his children is love their mother and the best thing that a mother can do is love their father. Your children learn about commitment, sacrifice, love, marriage, relationships and so many other things when they see their parents "loving and caring" for one another. It provides them with a sense of security!
In many marriages, the priorities are all messed up...it should be God first, spouse second, children third and job fourth. it is not easy to follow these priorities, but the alternative leads to unhappy homes and divorced families. In the long run, it is the children that suffer the most.
If you need some resources to get your marriage back on track, check out the "Love Dare Book" from Fireproof and "The Five Love Languages" by Gary Chapman.
Remember...you were a couple before your children arrived and you will be a couple again when they leave the nest. Hang on to each other and keep loving!

Building a Child's Self Esteem

2011-12-05T16:26:00.001-06:00

I have had the privilege of watching many children grown up over the years that I have been a classroom teacher, Sunday School teacher, Girl Scout leader, Children's Ministry Director, Childcare Director and mom. Parents have often expressed concern over their child's self-esteem or the lack of it. They have over-compensated by excessive praise that wasn't really necessary or sincere. They have failed to correct their child's behavior because they didn't want to damage their child's self-esteem. All the while, those things weren't what was destroying the child's self worth.

In this technological age, I am always amazed at the number of parents who come in to drop off or pick up their children at childcare while talking on their cell phone. I know that business is important for their livelihood, but they are either leaving their child for a long day or picking them up after a long day. Their child needs their undivided attention! The child's self-esteem grows when they see that they are #1 in their parents eyes.

The other thing that really gets me is when they clean out their child's cubbie and throw everything in the trash before they leave the building. They don't take the time to look through it or even talk to their child about their creations. Even though the scraps of paper may not mean much to the parent, it does to the child.

Children grow up so very fast...take it from me the time just flies by! Parents would be wise to cherish the moments with their children. It would be much better for a parent to take time to properly say good-bye to their child each day, or to sit down for a minute to play with them or talk to them about their day instead of rushing off to the next activity or event. This is where love is spelled TIME.

Have you ever though about framing your child's art...not just on the refrigerator for a time, but in a real frame and making a gallery of their best work. More than anything your child desires your approval. I saved all my children's school work, but never did anything with it except store it in the attic. I wish I had taken a different approach.

Holiday Traditions

2011-11-13T19:38:00.001-06:00

Establishing traditions in your family can be lots of fun and can give your child many special memories to cherish. As a little girl growing up I can remember the traditions of my childhood...some of which I've brought into my home as my children were growing up.
At Thanksgiving we always had a very traditional meal of turkey, dressing, my grandma's egg noodles, cranberry sauce and pumpkin pie. We usually still have the same thing now if I am doing the cooking, but I haven't mastered the egg noodles.
We usually decorate for Christmas on Thanksgiving weekend and leave our decorations up till after the New Year. It has been a special joy to put up the Nativity scene that was in my grandparents yard each year as I was growing up. It has now be up for over 60 Christmases.
My grandparents always had their children and grandchildren in their home on Christmas Eve, usually before the children's Christmas program at church. We always had ham sandwiches with lots of salads and sides for dinner (that was my grandfather's request because it was his birthday too). After church we got to open one Christmas present before we went to bed. We would get up the next morning and all our presents would be under the tree and we would get to open them before we went to worship on Christmas day.
As my children were growing up we didn't live close to family, but we have held on to our Christmas Eve meal over the years. We also baked lots of Christmas cookies (a marathon baking event) and then fixed up special plates of cookies to take to all our friends and neighbors. Since my husband is a pastor and he was usually gone to the church on Christmas Day when the kids got up, we started opening all our gifts on Christmas Eve. We save our stockings till Christmas Day and open them after dinner and the worship service.
We even have traditions at Kids of the Crown at Halloween, Thanksgiving and Christmas. Each year I read the story "Parable of the Pumpkin Patch" and we carve a special pumpkin with the children. At Thanksgiving, we have a "Sharing Feast" and the children prepare a meal for their parents to come and have lunch with them. At our Christmas party, I read "The Jesus Tree" to the children and we sing "Happy Birthday Jesus" and blow out candles on a birthday cake.
These traditions in my home and at school create memories for the children that they can draw on as they become parents some day.
I know that you must have traditions as well...I would love to hear about them, so please write about them below.

Parenting is a Team Sport

2011-11-11T06:53:00.001-06:00

I have just started an online daily devotion entitled "Parenting by Design" through YouVersion (the Bible online). Even though my children are grown, these devotions make me think about what kind of a parent I was and am. I still learn a little something new everyday...imagine that!

Do you sometimes feel that you are doing this parenting thing all alone? Are you far away from family? Do you and your spouse have differing ideas on how to parent? All of these things can lead to a lot of frustration and stress in your marriage and family.

In the world today being a parent is not an easy task. It has changed so much since I was a little girl and even since my children were young (basically your age). There are so many worldly things to distract you from what you want for your child. The world in general has stepped away from God's plan for families. With all the outside forces trying to grab your attention and all the many activities that we try to get our children involved in we forget to take time for what is most important...raising our children in the Lord. Parenting is certainly not for cowards!

From my devotion this morning:

Parenting is a team sport. When you and your spouse are "of the same mind with one another according to Christ Jesus," you can make the kind of parenting decisions that are best for everyone in the family. The Bible verses below are a helpful prayer for parents. With the aid of the Holy Spirit, the result will be appropriate choices, great consequences, and the empathy necessary to deliver both. By praying and seeking God's will together, you and your spouse (or friends) can with "one voice glorify the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ."

Each spouse can learn something from the other. Single parents can learn from friends who are parents. When you talk about difficult parenting situations and pray together for guidance, you glorify God.

May the God of endurance and encouragement grant you to live in such harmony with one another, in accord with Christ Jesus, that together you may with one voice glorify the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ. Romans 15:5-6

You are not in this alone! God is on your team and walks by your side every day! Put together your team...first with your spouse or if you are a single parent with other people who you trust and who are important in your children's lives. May God bless your journey as your raise your children in HIM!

Leaving a Legacy

2011-11-02T10:37:00.000-05:00

A few years ago I read a devotional that asked the question, "What will you be remembered for?" As I think about that question many things pass through my mind.

When my son was eight years old, he watched his grandpa slowly pass from this life. He was in hospice care for 3 months. He also had a friend whose mother died around the same time. One day when we were running errands he asked me what I thought heaven was like...I told him that I thought it was a wonderful place where everything was good. He wanted to know what people who died did in heaven. I told him that we didn't know the answer to that, but that I imagined both of his grandpas working side-by-side helping Jesus and that his friend's mom was there too. He thought about that for a moment and then said "I know what you will be doing in heaven mom. You'll be sitting with the children, teaching and singing with them about Jesus." WOW! I hadn't realized it, but he already understood my passion for Early Childhood ministry.

I am so thankful for parents that raised me in the Lord and made sure that I was in church every Sunday to hear Bible stories, study God's Word and spend time in Worship. They made it a priority in our family and left a legacy of faith. As I continue to learn and grow closer to my God, I am thankful that the foundation that my parents laid is solid and strong.

What is your passion? Do you want to leave a legacy of faith for your children? You have probably heard the saying "children learn what they live". It is very true! If you place a high priority on your faith walk, your children will follow your example and you will be placing their feet on a firm foundation. If you are committed to your Savior, your child will learn to do the same!

Proverbs 22:6 KJV
Train up a child in the way he should go: and when he is old, he will not depart from it.

WHAT WILL YOU BE REMEMBERED FOR?

It is never too late to begin working on your "legacy of faith"! If you don't have one, find a church home and make Sunday worship a priority in your family. If you have done that already, then make sure that your child sees and knows what Jesus means to you, not just on Sundays, but every day!

I'll be praying for you...for your journey of faith...for the legacy that you will leave for your children! May God be with you!

Getting Through the Holidays

2011-10-29T20:06:00.000-05:00

Halloween is just the beginning of several months of festivities that can wreak havoc in the routine that you have established for your children and your family. All the treats, changes in routine, visiting family and the added activities make it difficult for your child to adjust.

As we try to recreate the memories from our own childhood or meld the traditions from two families, it is easy to let those "things" take over our thoughts and planning and keep us from focusing on what is really important.

As you begin the important planning for the upcoming months, start by deciding what is really important to you. Next determine whether it is something that is appropriate for the ages of your children. If your children are very small, keep things simple and if they are older be sure to include them in the planning. You'll be creating memories for their lifetime!

Don't plan too many things or you and your children will become overwhelmed with all the activities. You may be disappointed too if things don't quite go as you expected or planned. Just spending quiet time together can be a very special memory as well! Try to keep your routines for meals, naps and bedtime as normal as possible and you and your children will enjoy a more pleasant holiday season.

Remember to keep worship as a high priority during these busy times. Your children will learn from you what Thanksgiving is all about when you go to church and thank God for all He has given you, including your family. Teaching your children about the true meaning of Christmas will help them realize that Christmas is not just about getting gifts. You can use these opportunities to help your children think about and care for others.

Finding the "Right" Childcare

2011-10-28T08:55:00.000-05:00

Finding the "right" Childcare for your children is usually a daunting task for parents. If it is your first child, all the emotions of leaving your child in the arms of strangers can overwhelm you. It is important to find the "right" place, not only for your child, but for you as well. There are many options available to parents, but each one has its pros and cons. It is important that parents discuss what they want for their children and write down the questions that they want to ask prospective caregivers. It is really easy to fall back on family members to provide the care, but even then it is important that there is an understanding of what you expect and will accept in care for your child. Make sure that you check with many different types of childcare options (family care, registered home care, licensed childcare center)...don't just settle on the first place you come to. Visit the places you are interested in and ask your questions, receive a tour and enrollment information. Go to their website and look for reviews online as well as the information on the State Licensing website. Talk to your friends who have children and find out where they go. Start your research early and don't just base your decision on how much it costs. Remember that your peace of mind when you find the right place will allow you to go to work or school and not worry about your children. A good rule of thumb is to remember that you get what you pay for. If your need is to provide the best place for your child, then it is probably not advisable to go with the place that costs less. If you desire a Christian program that will support and encourage your family values, then you should seek a place associated with a church that provides a Christian curriculum. If you want all the bells and whistles and the facility is the most important thing, then cost is probably not an concern. One last thought, give your child some time to adjust to the new setting, whatever it may be. They will miss you, but they adapt quickly!